The Zen Experience: No Logic in a Programmed Life with Endless Triggering

Home / Inspiration / The Zen Experience: No Logic in a Programmed Life with Endless Triggering

by Kathleen Stilwell
January 7, 2017


As most who are following this blog now know, I had started a few years ago jotting down my perceptions about reality and my own personal path. That’s all this blog was meant to be. Then I started re-posting a few writings from others here and there. Zen Gardner was one of the writers who I found resonance with, so I re-posted quite a few things that he wrote. But not all. I didn’t feel harmony with everything he said. That didn’t bother me. In those rare occasions where I didn’t see things his way, I had a sense that he’d listen if I shared my “but, what if…” in response to his words. What interested me about Zen was that he was alive, curious, challenging, sincere and evolving. He spoke his truth with conviction. He was never wispy-washy. He wasn’t out to please everybody. He was a powerhouse, a genuine seeker of truth.

When the whole witch hunt involving Zen’s past started, I was nudged, by my own connection to truth and love, to dust off this dormant blog and write about my perception of what was happening. Frankly, I expected those who actually knew him to step forward and challenge things. A few did but were shouted down. What a crazy cult this awakening community turned out to be. Ironically, Zen Gardner is someone who happens to know quite a bit about cults.

My most recent article related to this Zen experience, ‘Fake News’ and the Silencing of Zen Gardner, is attracting a lot of new readers. This article has prompted a number of people to write to me privately with questions they don’t want to put in the comment section. It has also brought quite a few attackers and name-callers out of the woodwork.

Some have asked why I monitor the comment section on my blog. I want to make it clear that this is a personal blog. It is the home for my own perspective and connection with truth. It was never intended to be an open forum. There are plenty of other places for people to express themselves, including the easy creation of one’s own personal blog. I do not invite people into my home if they have shown themselves to lack basic human courtesy and respect. I won’t post comments from that type of person on my blog either. I will not post accusations which are not based on any factual evidence. I will not post vitriolic rants that have no basis in logic or truth. Period.

Speaking of the Zen Experience, Let’s Talk Logic

As I’ve read through assorted emails and comments and as I read many of the online articles attacking Zen Gardner, I’ve wondered if the fluoride in our water and the uncountable toxins in the chemtrails have deadened our ability to make logical connections. I remember logic classes from grammar school that presented scenarios such as the following:

Scenario Number One

A farmer has three brown cows. His wife went to the market to buy some milk and bread. Two of his children are in bed, sick with the flu. The other, his only son, is away fishing with his uncle. The uncle owns a dry cleaning establishment in a nearby small town, known for it’s breweries and vineyards.

What can we assume from reading this scenario? Choose all that apply.

A. The farmer’s wife is pregnant.
B. The farmer’s son would rather be with his uncle than his father.
C. The three brown cows are either not dairy cows or they are not presently providing enough milk for the farmer and his family.
D. The farmer has two daughters.
E. The uncle is the farmer’s brother.
F. Everyone in the nearby town is an alcoholic.
G. Everyone in the nearby town uses the dry cleaner on a weekly basis.
H. Alcoholics use dry cleaners more often than non-alcoholics.
I. All of the farmer’s relatives are Buddhist.
J.  None of the above.
K.  All of the above.

Correct answers, of course, are C and D.  None of the other statements can be verified by the facts presented.

Scenario Number Two

Zen Gardner spent 27 years as a member of the Children of God, an international religious group (cult). Zen Gardner has been a strong voice exposing control systems, religious indoctrination and cults of all kinds. The teachings of the Children of God changed over time. Some members of the Children of God, including its leader, spoke in favor of pedophilia and child abuse. Some members of the Children of God were sexually promiscuous.  A healer who Zen Gardner was consulting for resolving something or other from his past was triggered by finding out about the Children of God and the darkness within that group. She decided to share confidential information about Zen and his family with a mutual friend of theirs because she had become physically sick from finding out about this evil. This friend decided to tell the world that he had given Zen an ultimatum that he had to take down his website or he would reveal everything he knew about Zen’s past and his family. Websites everywhere began to take all of Zen’s writing down. Zen did not look like his usual, confident self  in interviews immediately following this “big reveal”. In fact, he looked exhausted, somewhat nervous and deeply sad.

What can we assume from reading this scenario? Choose all that apply.

A. Zen Gardner is a pedophile and abused children.
B. Anyone would be exhausted and saddened if they had been betrayed by people they trusted and were under attack by an irrational mob.
C. Some children raised in the Children of God were sexually and emotionally abused.
D. The healer who Zen consulted was not spiritually and emotionally strong enough to handle the role she had stepped into.
E. Zen had friends he could not trust.
F. Learning about pedophilia makes people sick.
G. Betraying a confidence makes people sick.
H. Learning that the US drops 72 bombs a day makes people sick.
I. Zen was actually protecting his family when he did not reveal what the healer knows about his life.
J. All Catholics are pedophiles and should be prosecuted because so many priests have been exposed as child abusers.
K. Zen Gardner learned much of what he knows about mind control and cults from living so many years within the Children of God matrix.

No answer key is available for this one. You determine what we really know to be true from the facts presented.

Now Let’s Talk about Triggering

A number of people have written to me asking how I can trust Zen Gardner when that healer was so triggered and is still physically sick from this experience. Just ask that friend of the healer, they say. The one who threatened to reveal all if Zen didn’t take his website down. He’ll tell you how upset they both are.

Well, for heaven’s sake, let’s get a grip here. What in the world is this co-called healer doing putting out a shingle as a healer if she isn’t aware that evil exists and if  she can’t handle the desperate needs for healing in a world that has been almost completely taken over by an evil enemy presence?  Perhaps she should watch those “I’m triggered” bathtub videos that Jon Rappoport has been putting out. She can snuggle up into a safe space where she never has to know that this world is truly a battlefield and that all of our lives are on the line.

Some have even gone so far as to suggest that Zen Gardner should seek her forgiveness for upsetting her. (They have also suggested that he should seek forgiveness from the rest of us, but that absurdity will be left for another post.) What absolute nonsense that any of us should seek forgiveness for shocking someone with the pain we’ve experienced and evil that we’ve seen in the world! Especially when that someone claims to be a healer.

When are we going to collectively grow up and get a backbone? How can we face down this evil that has taken over our minds and our world if we do not stop hiding from it?

The heart of the matter here is that we fear evil. We know it’s out there but we don’t know how to identify it. So we live in fear. That’s why we trigger so easily. We have been dumbed down spiritually so that we don’t recognize evil when it enters our minds, nor do we recognize it when it manifests before our eyes.

Knowledge about the control system is not enough. We continually trip over our own lack of awareness of how integrally the control system is a part of everything within this matrix, including our own minds. Thus we can be triggered again and again and never take action to ban this Source-blocking hell from our energy fields.

Let’s Talk about Being Triggered by Things that Never Happened

Way too many people sent notes about that Tony Robbins video that was embedded in one “expose” about Zen Gardner. In that video, a young woman tells her story of having been raised in the Children of God and having been sexually abused. She has suffered deeply and Tony Robbins reached out to her with compassion. No one with a heart could possibly view that video and not feel moved to tears. “I am Not Your Guru” is the title of the video. However, anyone who has ever been to a Tony Robbins event knows that he controls the whole experience. Even the volunteers who offered to be this young woman’s new big brothers, to share non-sexual, supportive male attention with her, were asked to do so by this non-guru. This video example has been used repeatedly to show that Zen Gardner is a horrible person. The problem is that Zen Gardner was not linked to this young woman’s life in any way. Yet, those who seek to trigger others into irrational, illogical response claim that anyone who doesn’t hate Zen Gardner after seeing that video has no heart. And the awakening community has let them get away with making this claim.

What’s Up with Pyramids?

I’ve received letters from people who are very angry with Zen because they used to follow him, believed he was an enlightened leader, and thought he had no secrets.  He was someone they donated to and someone they volunteered to help out at public events. They thought he thought that he was above them and, apparently, they must have agreed with what they thought he thought if they “followed” him. Now, they have no evidence that he thought this because he didn’t say this, but they found him arrogant at times (who isn’t?) or he said something they didn’t like or someone they met didn’t like him and that person would never lie or exaggerate the truth (uh, huh)… Others are angry with Zen because they saw people following him and this pissed them off for some reason. I’ll leave it up to them to explain that one to you all.

In any case, does this remind you of anything you’ve seen before? Like something you’ve experienced pretty much everywhere you’ve ever gone on this planet? Something that looks suspiciously like a pyramid?

Why is it that, even when we start networking with other people who are working to expose the control pyramid imprint on this planet, that we end up recreating groups that are shaped like a pyramid? All cults are shaped like that. Our governments, our schools, our religions, our media. It’s all shaped like that.

Every pyramid is topped with a leader or group of leaders (gods, goddesses, special ones, enlightened ones, gurus, grand poo bahs, whatever). Beneath the top dogs are place holders of all sorts. Some gain their own sense of self-worth from serving the poo bah and hold tightly to their positions of illusory importance. Others just follow orders and hold whatever position is assigned to them so that the pyramid can maintain its form. The odd thing is that, even if the leader tells the followers (place holders and order followers) that they should not follow but should stand tall and claim their individual voice, many simply have no idea how to live without a leader. If one disappears, they seek out another. Or they seek to be the pooh bah themselves.

Watch the movie trailer for Minions for a perfect example of what humanity is like.

A pyramid is not a family, even though, when seeking a new pyramid to join we are really seeking family. In a family there are elders who show the way while uplifting and deeply respecting the young who come behind them. They also give direction to the young. However, the young only follow those they respect. The elders remind the young to never betray themselves or go against their own inner knowing, even if the direction to do so comes from an elder. The young respect the old because they know they have traveled places they have yet to go. They see in the elders the strength of character that they are honing in themselves. A family (obviously, not the families most of us are used to) are places of growth for all. Love, respect, honesty, challenge, protection, friendship, trust. We can find it all in a real family. Often we find traces of family inside a pyramid. This confuses the heck out of us because this family is never consistent. The interbreeding with darkness, wherein the archons/wetiko/evil gave us its mind has turned this vision of Love into a sea of insanity.

And Then There are Mirrors

In pyramids there are mirrors. In fact, every pyramid is a haunted house of mirrors. As we stumble around, we begin to understand that what we are seeing when we look at others is a reflection of our ourselves. We have opportunity to take a good look at our own fears, weaknesses, blindness, programming and even cruelty by seeing it in others. We reflect on our own complacency and self-limiting behaviors when we see it in others. We also  see our great resilience, our kindness, and our natural inclination to love. We begin to understand that the only way to reclaim and expand our greatest natures, our true creativity and capacity to love, is to ditch the pyramid.

Our challenge, once we begin to see the light, is to do the really hard work of extracting our true self from the false. Our challenge is to recover our backbone, our connection with what is true and genuinely loving.

Our challenge is to awaken our spiritual senses so that we know and trust ourselves. We know evil when we feel it. We know sincerity when we feel it. We know deceit when we feel it. We know selfless love when we feel it. We know weakness when we feel it. And we know real strength. This is no easy task if we are used to asking someone else to tell us what is good and what is evil.

This change can not come about by merely reading about the awakening. It requires vigilance, self-stalking, humility, and determination. It is our primary work and it is incredibly hard work. It is the work that will enable us to reclaim our world. When we get clear, we find ourselves outside the mirrored hell, which has proven to be nothing but a house of cards shaped like a triangle. We come to really know ourselves as sovereign beings. Yet we must always be watchful because the false world attempts to pull us back in at every opportunity.

Religions and governments are ready and willing to tell us what is right. Of course, because they are linked with the enslaving darkness, they are dead wrong. However, they will send us into war to fight for what they tell us is right. If we are good order followers or place holders, we will do as we are told and gain a temporarily sense of strength from aligning ourselves with this darkness.  However, this is a false sense of backbone which disappears when we are alone without the group or our masters.

In seeking to be right, what we are really seeking is to reconnect with our knowing of the deeper reality that is, and has always been, our divinity. This divine nature of ours simply can not be destroyed or belittled. We do not need to prove anything to the Source of our Love and Truth. We are already the ones we are waiting for, if only we will stand tall.

I’m just guessing here that this inevitable choice to stand tall once again (or “human race get off our knees” to quote David Icke) is what Zen Gardner meant when he said You Are the Awakening.

We are all in this together. The time to rise up is now. We can be the awakened. We can surely reclaim our Love and reclaim our world.

With love,


This article may be freely shared as long as the text is unaltered and the original author, Kathleen Stilwell, is clearly identified with a hyperlink back to the original article.


Kathleen Stilwell is a dreamer, in awe of the transforming power of  vision, courage, kindness and imagination. Kathleen created the website Born Outside the Box to share her own experience of whatever this reality is. It is also a place to share the work of other writers who speak of things that resonate with her soul.